Moving on...

I have chosen to move on.

I am hoping my life gets better. I'm making changes. I hope I find a new job.

God is good. Prayer is wonderful. Church is a daily blessing.

There are lots of things I don't understand. I may be young but I sometimes wish people would communicate better. That's a large part of some issues I have experienced. I also feel that since I don't look my age I'm not treated right. I'm not really enjoying the whole growing up thing at the moment. It's much more difficult than I expected, if I had expectations. I don't even know. I just gotta keep moving forward. There's always hope. The growing up "process"...why so challenging...guess I have to live it one day at a time.

Really into a song by Josh Groban right now. The song is called "You are loved (don't give up)" Here are the lyrics:

 Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

a hard week...its not even over

BLAH
Seriously considering change.
I'm not happy where I'm at.
Can I be married already. Seriously. It's like 219 days away...come faster, PLEASE!
Work is hard and I want to get out.

Please pray for me. I'm praying for direction on what I should do.
I think it's time to make some decisions.

On a good note, last night I started writing a new song. It was nice to do, since it's been awhile. I'll post it when I'm done. Eventually I'd actually like to put my lyrics to music. That will take some time and help from my friends I think. Music makes me happy.

Thank you Jesus for putting lots of amazing friends in my life.

The joy of getting older and life

So I turned 24. It's still kind of strange. I don't know but it just feels like a weird number. I sure don't look like I'm in my twenty's. People always think I'm still in high school and here I am with a college degree. I had an enjoyable birthday. I got to hangout with a few friends and we played the Wii. It was nice. My fiance is always reminding me that I do better with less people. He's right. I only had 3 friends come over to hangout for my birthday and it was the perfect amount. I sure did wish I was able to spend time with my fiance but alas that will have to wait. So glad he'll be home in a couple of months.

Valentine's day, was more of a day to celebrate Chinese New Year, which just happened to fall on the same day. It's the year of the tiger too.
I never liked having my birthday so close to a holiday either and this year it just felt like to many holiday's in one. My birthday, Valentine's day, and Chinese New Year is too much.

I am thoroughly enjoying my new build-a-bear from my fiance. It's a panda. I love stuffed animals so it's the perfect gift for now. The perfect gift is him as my husband which isn't too far away. Still counting down the days...224 I think. I just want it to come already.

I have several countdowns going right now. It's kind of funny. I have one in my head for when I get to go to NYC to visit my best friend in April, one for when my fiance comes home, and one for my wedding day.

So we're expecting more snow and I'm not so cheerful about it. I love snow but I'm so ready for spring now. I want it to be warm already.

God is so good. I'm learning a lot. Growing in many areas of character. I was so happy at church today. I was just full of joy. It was nice. I felt all silly being so happy.

I'm hoping for an awesome week ahead. It's only a 4 day week so it should be pretty nice.

Getting a break

SNOW!
There's so much of it.
I think God did it on purpose. The snow storm allowed me to leave work early on Friday. That was nice. It was a tiring day and a tiring week. I almost didn't get a lunch on Friday. Well, I pretty much didn't get a lunch cause I left right after I ate something quick from the staff dining room. I had to help out with my student during my lunch which is my student's lunch period.

Skyping Josh has been wonderful. We've been skyping Friday night and Saturday morning. It's so much fun. I miss him.

Saturday was a very productive and relaxing day because I was snowed in. Working on my wedding stuff is coming along. I was not liking it a few weeks ago, cause I just didn't care and mostly cause I was missing Josh. Now I'm fine and I'm getting back into. I got to pick up my bridesmaids' dresses last weekend and they look awesome!! I'm so excited!! I think I got myself pretty organized yesterday with all my wedding stuff.
So being stuck in the house all day long yesterday made the day seem so long. It was weird.

Today was nice. Church was very nice. There was a guest speaker, a pastor from another church. He preached on Genesis 40:14 focusing on the word "when." The point he was emphasizing was that even though Joseph went through all these difficult situations, Joseph still believed that God had a plan and purpose for his life and we must think in that matter also. It was nice to hear and learn about. It made me remember Jeremiah 29:11 and also the scripture about "faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. The pastor also spoke about we only need a little spark to ignite our Faith in God. It does not need to be anything large. The sermon was a nice refresher.

I hope this coming week goes by quickly.

What a long week...so glad its the weekend.

Even though I had Monday off, the work week was just long. Each day seemed so long. Just trying to follow a new schedule doesn't seem to help. Oh the joy of every day being so unpredictable and all the changes that I have no control over.

I've been missing Josh a lot this week. I've also gotten to talk to him quite a bit on skype this week, such a blessing. I am so thankful for technology. I don't know what I'd do without it. Reaching the halfway point of being apart from him here in about 2 weeks. Not so fun. I can't wait for him to come back.

Wedding planning is kind of slow at the moment. I just don't ever feel like doing any of it. Just got a letter in the mail from Wendy's Bridal today saying that the Bridesmaid dresses have arrived. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited. Gotta go pick them up for the girls. Glad that is done with now we just need to make sure everyone gets them altered on time. I need to get my dress altered too. Seriously counting down the days til my wedding. Today Josh figured out how many weeks. It sounds closer that way. Like 35 weeks which is still over 200 days. It will come pretty quickly I think once Spring hits.

So wishing Josh was here and not in another country right now.

Today has been one of the most relaxing days in a long time. I went shopping with my mom and was mostly relaxing all day. Didn't worry about anything or work on much stuff. I got a dress, a new winter petticoat, a pair of jeans and a new purse. :-) Love shopping with my mom.

My life isn't to eventful, just work, church, and wedding planning.

Worked on my piano piece that I'm composing some more a couple days ago and it's coming a long. It sounds pretty. I'm having trouble coming up with a measure that can transition the piece from theme a to theme b. It will come with time I guess. I just don't spend much time working on it right now.
I am loving the fact that I am teaching private piano lessons. It brings joy to my week to teach music. I don't know if I still have a voice student or not, the student has missed the past 3 lessons so I'm not sure if the student is going to continue. I hope so though.

Winter Break and the New Year

The most exciting thing I had over winter break was SALT.
SALT was intense. God is totally moving in this world. God also wants to pour out His Spirit.
At SALT I experienced God in a new way. It felt so different yet very peaceful. I experience Christ without the hyped up emotional feeling type of stuff that many expect when seeking God. It's a season where I'm growing in trust that is deeper than I understand. I guess God is making himself more real to me but digging deeper than just being on a feeling emotional level. It's like I am having real conversations during my quiet times where I'm having to be patient in listening too. I got refreshed and challenged in my walk with Christ.
I guess a new year means a new season for me especially with my relationship with God.

So this week has been interesting and extremely challenging at work. Changes are never easy and I'm seeing that in black and white as I've gone to work this week after the Christmas break. I'm also learning how difficult it is to communicate with multiple people and try to stay on the same page, who are all trying to help figure out one person to help the person learn things and become independent. It's quite frustrating and I'm just trying to stay positive and do as I'm told yet there's always clashing in attitudes, perceptions, and understanding. I don't like it but I'm suppose to be the light in this dark place. I also feel alone but I feel alone a lot. Getting to know people and open up.

At SALT I went to a session called "When to speak up, when to shut up" and I think that phrase is really coming in handy at work for me. Even though the session was focused on witnessing, it's also helping me control my talkative self and falling into conversations that really don't matter.

The new year brings new things. Learning something every day I guess. Growing up a little every day too.

Getting into gear with planning my wedding. It's 9 months away and that seriously overwhelms me. This morning I was speaking with my mom about it and she asked me how many weeks away is my wedding and I said I don't know. I told her how many days since theknot.com counts down for me. It's like 261 or something like that. Then my mom actually calculated how many weeks. I told her to stop cause its overwhelming and scary too. Even though it is exciting and fun too. Stress hopefully won't happen too bad when all the planning really picks up.

Life is busy busy busy...and now all the snow!

This past week was crazy busy at work. I had to help finish making all the treats that the students were making to take home for Christmas break. The schedule for the week was all thrown off because of the rehearsals for the Christmas program they had on Thursday night and the recital we had during the day on Thursday. The break has begun! :-D School is not in session until January 4th.

I spent some time in Dayton on Friday afternoon/evening and it was much needed and nice. Stayed with the Bostwick Family. They had me over for dinner and I got to have a one on one with Donna. We talked and she prayed for me. It was much needed. Then I woke up in the morning to snow and it was beautiful. I was very happy to see snow. I love snow. I think it's a beautiful thing that God created. Even thought I do not like cold weather, I love snow and how fresh snow fall is so beautiful and fun to watch fall and admire. It just makes nature seems so peaceful.

Saturday was busy, with rehearsal and a Christmas party. Rehearsal was for the Christmas Cantata which was performed at church today. It went well. I'm pretty pleased. I believe if I had more time to practice it probably could of been better. The party I went to was at my mom's bosses house. It was nice. I ended up playing euchre with a dad and his son (high school) and daughter (who is a year younger than me). I did pretty well. I am better than I think I am. The rest of the night after we had played to games was kind of blah. I did have some nice conversations about music but that's about it.
I really wish Josh was there with me, I think it would of made it a little bit easier to socialize and deal with sacasm and pressure about wedding stuff. 

The Christmas Cantata was nice this morning at church. I did well with the solo I had and I think the choir sounded good. We had a couple mess ups and weak spots but that's okay. It was the first time we had run through the entire thing without taking breaks between songs. My family came and it was good. Glad it is done with cause now I'm getting ready for the SALT Choir. At least I only have to learn 3 songs rather than 9. It's only ten days away. I'm really excited for SALT. It's much needed and it will be very nice to see people I haven't seen in a while.

God is good...all the time...all the time, God is good to me.